Marriage is not for everyone. But some relationships can be saved through marriage counseling. If you’re not sure if you and your partner need it, here are 7 undeniable signs you need marriage counseling.

Marriage comes with the belief that it’ll be a fairy tale. We’re expected to meet the one, have a lovely time dating, get married, and then we all live happily ever after.

Right?

But what we’re not told is that our relationship takes work. A lot of hard work.

We aren’t born with the tools to manage the challenge of relationships. That’s a skill we have to learn and develop and hone.

That’s where marriage counselors or therapists come in. But much of the time, it’s hard to see the signs you need marriage counseling.

7 Signs You Need Marriage Counseling

It’s hard to recognize the signs you need marriage counseling and to know exactly when to invite this third party into your marriage to help you. So we’ve come up with this list to help. You can find more info about marriage counseling here.

1. When Your Communication Fails

Sometimes this can be as simple as not talking. Many relationships come into question because you aren’t communicating with each other. A therapist can help you figure out new ways to communicate.

Another problem is when you’re talking, but you’re always talking negatively. It can include anything that leaves one person feeling judged or shaped, disregarded or insecure, or just wanting to withdraw from the conversation in general.

This also includes the tone. It’s not always what you say that is negative, but how you say it.

Sometimes, negative communication can turn into emotional abuse.

And sometimes you can be afraid to talk. It’s a serious issue when you’re too afraid to bring issues up. Whether you want to talk about sex or money or bad habits and everything gets blown out of proportion, a therapist can help.

Therapists are there to help a couple understand their issues and what the other person is talking about.

Once your communication has fallen by the wayside, it’s hard to get it back where it needs to be.

2. When Affection is Held Back as Punishment

If your partner gets angry over small things and withholds affection, this is an issue.

You are a team in this relationship. There is no parent or punisher, and when one of you acts like there is, something is broken.

This can be something as simple as giving the silent treatment for an extended length of time.

There’s nothing wrong with needing space or not feeling like being close, especially after a fight. But if this goes on for long periods of time and there is no sign of it letting up, that is a serious sign that marriage counseling might be needed.

3. When You Keep Secrets

Everyone has a right to privacy. You absolutely do not have to tell each other everything.

But when this starts to become hiding, sneaking, or deliberately withholding information, there’s a problem and its time to speak up.

This kind of secret-keeping can lead to partners living separate lives.

When you start to feel more like roommates than a married couple, it’s time to seek counseling. A lack of communication, conversation, or intimacy may mean its time to bring someone in who can figure out how to get back the missing piece to your relationship.

4. When You Consider an Infidelity

If you start to dream about having an affair, it’s a sign that you want something different. It’s absolutely possible for a marriage to survive post-affair, but it’s so important to get help before it happens.

If you’re both committed to making your marriage work, it can be salvaged.

This doesn’t just mean an emotional or sexual affair. It could mean financial as well.

If you or your partner keeps the other half in the dark entirely about the finances or money issues, there’s a problem. There’s nothing wrong with both parties being involved in the finances.

If you or your spouse thinks the other half shouldn’t be involved, contact a therapist.

5. When You Blame Them Entirely

You are only capable of changing yourself. If you’re waiting for someone else to change, you’re going to wait forever.

You have to be able to take a look at yourself and start the change within you, even if it seems unfair or like something you absolutely do not want to do.

If you want to make your relationship work, it starts with you.

6. When You Never Stop Fighting

Every couple has fights and every marriage has their share of arguments.

People have trigger behaviors or things that make them nuts that wouldn’t even bother most other people. This can be anything from laundry or the noise the other person makes when they chew.

When your partner doesn’t understand why these fights keep happening or what they can do about it, a therapist can help.

There’s a root to your problems, a counselor can get to it.

7. When There’s a Change in Your Sex Life

It’s not strange for sex to change a little once you’ve been together for a while. But big changes behind closed doors can mean that there’s something off in your relationship.

That doesn’t mean that less sex is an issue. More sex could be an issue as well. It could be a sign that one person is trying to make up for something they’re doing wrong.

Seek Help

These are just some of the signs you need marriage counseling. There’s nothing wrong with seeking help. Sometimes it takes more than time to deal with the bigger issues in a marriage.

Most people wait too long before finding help. Get help sooner rather than later.

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